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by Ryan Callahan

Neon Lives is a sadistic gameshow run by one wicked, conniving, smartass host that brims with Funk. Funky "McFunk" Funkerson presides over stacked game after stacked game, running questions based on ethics and preference, ensuring that there's never a "correct" answer, merely one the judges find acceptable. The judges, of course, are the equally-unforgiving audience. As the three contestants, Neon, Argon, and Xenon, are forced to compete throughout eternity, the faceless crowd looks on, laughing at the contestants whether they're attempting jokes, answering poorly (or well), or suffering the Grand Punishment during the Judgement Round.

User votes determine, at the end of every three-round game, who the winner and loser of the episode was. The loser must suffer the Grand Punishment (always painful), and the winner gets some sort of reward. Whoever's left gets either nothing or another punishment, depending on whether or not they can correctly answer a sudden-death question as ruled by Funky.

	NEON is a British outcast who is, to say the least, a few wires short of a circuit. Prone to rambling, he says crazy things because he knows he's crazy, and because he wants YOU to know that he knows he's crazy. Lunacy is his badge of honor. He'd saw his own foot off if it meant he got to use one of those powered wheelchairs. He enjoys impractical things for practical reasons, which implies a few things about human nature, or does it really, because this is just a webcomic. Or is it. Neon was originally a mascot (like that big glowing Marlboro Cowboy). However, some would argue that the Peaceful Hills Institution for Mental Health didn't NEED a giant neon mascot.
	ARGON loves gore, blood, and bits of brain matter. Originally just a flashing sign outside Slaughterhouse Soup, he's grown into a hateful freak obsessed with sadism, masochism, and what's that other thing that involves pain. I want to say Lent, but I know that's wrong. Don't be surprised if most (or all) of Argon's answers involve blood, guts, and crushing pain, be it mental, physical, or emotional. He gets a real kick out of that stuff. His primary targets are children, and his role model is that guy Frank from Once Upon a Time in the West. Argon wholly believes that people do, in fact, scare better when they're dying. Hell, he's even tested that theory, on numerous occasions.
	XENON is the self-described "mandatory female character". Before anyone out there contemplates anything suggestive (I'm aware a double X chromosome is enough to send certain people into a sex-frenzy regardless of the character in question), be aware that she is happily engaged to her one and only love, Fluorine, who is totally hot. Having started out as just a glowing advertisement for tap-dancing lessons, Xenon rarely seems to make up her mind about anything, but her self-centered nature ensures that personal benefit is secured above all else. This isn't exactly a rare characteristic. Plus, if a pear and a pineapple had sex, the love child would look like her head.

FUNKY "McFUNK" FUNKERSON is the host of this cruel game, and almost as sadistic as the punishing premise itself. Though he hides it under his cool exterior and computer-generated speech, he hates each and every one of the contestants. Since he's the final word on everything from the Grand Punishment to the restrictions on rounds, he occasionally feels the need to make his dominance known. And when he does, the contestants get hit -- hard.

Funky's inner-rhythm (and constant head-waving) comes from his origins as the mascot/logo for an online music-sharing program that has since been shut down by the Government, Metallica, and Lincoln's Ghost.

HISTORY: Neon Lives, as a premise, evolved around the appearance of the characters, who, in turn, evolved around my clumsy experimentation with various effects in Macromedia Flash, most notably "soften edges". The neon look was in. Way in.